"What I'm dealing with is so vast and great that it can't be called the truth. It's above the truth." - Sun Ra

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I, Daemonic

"Snakes in the grass, you and I.
--Joni Mitchell ("Don Juan's Reckless Daughter")

Ever since seeing that Sumerian sculpture of the Annunaki, I've been remembering very bizarre experiences I've had over the years. Now a recent photo from David Eckhart (below left) hits me between the eyes so I must report in full my experiences, for posterity:

The fist occurred around 1982, when I was 15: Always kind of a weird, shy but creative kid, I was really into comic books, one of my favorites was Elfquest. Anyway, I had a very vivid dream set on Mars or similar red planet: a vast empty, lunar-style landscape with a dark red sky. The only feature on the landscape was a set of jungle gym-style monkey bars where I was hanging out with a bunch of Elfquest elves. I hated my school, had no friends, but these elves! I felt like I belonged with them, a really strong feeling of love and connection that struck me deeply; I'd never felt that kind of loyalty/love before.

Then, walking slowly towards us from across the vast plain was the silhouette of a single figure, which I knew was Death, or a demon, at any rate the 'end' of my new friends-- and I wanted to protect them, so I told them to stay by the bars, and I walked forward to meet this being as it approached us.

I was scared but had courage via my love for the elves. However, the closer I approached this figure, the more nervous static energy seemed to envelop me, like a wasp buzzing inside and outside my head. Finally, I was maybe five feet away from the being: he was wearing a sweartshit and sweatpants, with the hood up, and had on a cheap rubber Halloween skull mask, with red pin points of light in the center of the big black eye-holes.

Again, filled with new courage, I walked up and looked closely into the red of the being's eyes, knowing that if I could stare this being down, I'd save my friends. Again, I felt this extreme buzzing in my head, like radio static that was really an infinite number of mathematical equations and computations coming at me via telekinetic transference, kind of like a morse code or something... it was abstract but I understood it somehow and it was inflating me with strange, burning energy. I remember in the dream thinking, "I'm merging with all alien insectoid intelligence!" The energy in my head and body swelled and swelled the longer I looked into the being's red glowing eyes. The deeper I looked the more the message became pure empty mathematics.

It would have been just a dream, except the energy buzz was so strong it woke me from my bed, and not just like from a vivid dream or nightmare but like from something real! I literally jumped out of bed and bounced around the room like I had just gotten off an intense rollercoaster.  I was full of crazy electric energy and still anxious to protect the elves. Every nerve and hair on my body was full at attention. I could still feel the presence of this being slowly fading away, not just in my head but all around. I didn't, however, see any evidence of a being in the room or outside -- no ships or lights or anything -- that I recall.

For the next few months I was obsessed with getting back to that dream, the sense of love and connection I felt with the elves, etc., so I read through my Elfquests maniacally, every night, to try and get the dream back. I was possessed! I never really thought of the being, though, but he would return! Not the elves... although I found their human incarnation in 1987, in gorgeous Connecticut hippies who took me in as one of their own.

Flash forward to November 1992, and I was back from college and travels and travails and was living at home in my old bedroom. I was very sick--a huge terrible fever-- and woke up one early evening around 6 PM (it was dark already, being the winter) from around 23 solid hours of writhing in fever delirium, I was in the grips of sleep paralysis and finally jumped out of it, to see this huge demon looming over me in me room, I recognized it immediately as the same one from the elf dream so many years before, though the skull mask was off and it was laughing at me, like amused I was trying to struggle out of my sleep paralysis and escape.

I was freaked out and all my hairs stood on end again and with all my might I jumped  up and stood on the bed, so I could be taller than the being, and shouted at it to go away. I kept screaming: leave! go! Go AWAY! GO AWAY! It smiled wider--laughing at me (but not making a sound)--and gradually faded to moonlight reflections on my bookshelf. I remember being in total awe of how perfectly every detail of the being's face, fangs, eyes, scales, all fit perfectly into the reflections of light from the streetlight and moon out my window on my book spines.

I've seen demonic hallucinations here and there in between and after these two experiences, but never were they allowed to get "that far" before I'd pull away my attention. I instinctively realized the best way to deal with these beings is to ignore them when they're still at the "shadow" stage or to confront them, but to not stare and recoil in horror or fascination at the same time, because they feed on fear energy to manifest themselves into your consciousness. You see them, therefore they can define themselves as a corporeal body in 3D space time... the longer you stare, the more vividly they materialize.

It's mind-boggling to watch a demonic figure form itself from, say, the patterns of a fire in a fireplace on the side of leather couch, or a painting on a wall or what have you. Scientists dismiss this stuff because they have a name for it: "hallucinations." But if you follow real science to the end of the quantum physics rainbow, then you know: if you see it, it exists, because you're seeing it, and just seeing the thing gives it power to manifest. Maybe science is trying to protect us by saying "Look away!" or to belittle these visions as inconsequential remnants of an archaic cortex on fire with fever or drug withdrawal. When one thinks of the Catholic exorcist strategy of ignoring telekinetic displays from possessed patients or houses, of refusing to be shocked or scared or acknowledge anything's out of the ordinary, this is perhaps a clue of how science uses skepticism as a way of protecting us from being invaded. If we look at these things too long with too much fear, who knows how corporeal they may become?

Now this last dream/hallucination I had a few months ago, wherein I was walking home from some late dinner to a motor-court/motel in a parched, lonely, lunar-style desert and maybe 20 feet away from the walkway was that same demon figure standing perfectly still, framed against the expanse of desert mountains behind him in the distance, glowing in the lights over the motel walkway.

This time I was neither young, nor sick, so I was able to approach the being from a detached observer state. Again he had a unique mix of being perfectly still and totally in movement, not breathing exactly but seeming to feed off the energy drawn from my dream reality; like a waterfall, where all the water flows towards this points where it disappears over the falls-- the reptoid was like the falls and everything around me was the water on the high part of the river, about to fall....flowing towards him. He seemed to "not belong" in my dream, like something inserted from another dimension, a 5th dimensional giant tweezer end coming down on a 2-d glass slide.

Another analogy is the obelisk in the movie 2001. The presence of the reptoid standing still and grinning but not moving, reminded me a lot of the strange trans-dimensional presence of the black obelisk in that film.This time I wasn't afraid like I was when I had the fever. In a way, I knew I was safe since it had visited me over the years before, there was obviously some reason for these visits, and that's why I remember them so clearly as opposed to the rest of my dreams and visions, which fade away fast.

The uncanny similarity of these beings in my dreams to the reptilians in Sumerian sculpture and to Tibetan demons has fascinated me ever since, especially as I knew nothing of reptilian conspiracy theory or Tibetan or Sumerian legends until the third experience.

Around five years ago I had done a lecture on THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH at the Rubin Museum and so was on their mailing list. They sent me an invite to some opening for a Tibetan demon exhibition and It was like being mugged or attacked and then seeing your assailant years later on television and going "that's the guy!!"The nose is maybe more doglike, but the weird hypnotic eyes, the overall look of animal mirth, that's dead on, and the animal teeth... that's the demon!

I also used to suffer from sleep paralysis, and once around 1991, I was taking an afternoon nap and experienced the paralysis and felt myself lifted, ass-up onto the ceiling where I was rolled on out the window (my friend's apt in Manhattan) and up up up to the sky faster and faster, like my underwear had been hooked on an invisible fishing wire. I summoned all my psychic energy to escape, woke up and like before jumped out of bed with a fright, the hairs standing on end all over my arms and legs, and a feeling that "this was more than a dream." But there was no one to tell it to. These subjective experiences are hard to translate, and most people don't want to hear it.

I wonder on some level if sleep paralysis isn't a kind of litmus test wherein the weak ones who can't fight it are taken, or not taken, but that somehow sleep/dream unconscious energy opens or can occasionally open a powerful interdimensional gateway and perhaps sleep paralysis ties in somehow. 

Weird aspects of sleep paralysis include that I can be sleeping right next to someone when it strikes, but though I'm struggling and yelling to wake up, they don't even notice, even if they're awake. Could this be similar to the alien abduction strangeness, where people disappear through the ceiling or the wall with their spouse sleeping next to them, never noticing? When I went downstairs to see my mom after that aforementioned fever dream, she said she'd heard nothing at all from upstairs, though I had been screaming at the top of my lungs for her help for perhaps a whole 30 or 40 seconds, or so it felt - I had no dream-within-a-dream second wake up, I had run downstairs right after I woke up and the demon had so slowly and laughingly vanished! How clear it was and how perfectly it disappeared into the reflections of light on the spines of books on my shelf. I can still see it perfectly and feel those eyes peering into my soul, and the mocking laughter as I shouted it back into the shadows, completely amazed as the definitions of the thing fit like a perfect painting back into the bookshelf in the moonlight.

Anyway, so there it all is. i have no obsessive anxiety about being abducted--as in trauma of repressed memories--and don't think I really have been,  but I do feel I've been "visited" - though for now the reptoid / daemons seem content to watch, and occasionally hook me, lift me out of the water, and throw me back, so to speak, too small, under the galactic legal limit. And who's to say dreams aren't just as valid a reality as this one? It's totally possible to get to the third-eye open state where you see the exact same things with your eyes closed or open, for example. It happened to me once for about 6 minutes. Terrifyingly cool! Another story for another time!

PS - I mention these dreams not to claim I'm a special conduit or hybrid, but to share weird experiences.  While I agree that, yes, fevers lead to hallucinations, I also wonder if science isn't missing a fascinating opportunity to study the bedrock of reality and perception by delving more into the nature of hallucinations and visions rather than just dismissing them as "not real." In the paraphrased words of Aldous Huxley, if the doors of perception were truly and completely cleansed we'd see a lot of beings from a lot of higher dimensional beings interacting with us in ways so perfectly intertwined its beyond our 'conscious mind' comprehension. A tea kettle for example, might turn out to be somebody's space helmet. Your sudden need to move it off the stove coincides perfectly with his stepping out of the rocket onto the moon. If you keep lots of demon representations around you room--figurative statues, African tribal masks-- maybe you can make it so easy for them to appear that they can't, like you somehow, as they say, "blew up their spot."

After all, humans are very complicated machines and we existed long before western science. And, while I respect western science, I don't respect some of its more dogmatic adherents' closed-minded, know-it-all bullying. Since science only believes in things it can measure and experience directly, it shuts out 80% of "the real"... i.e. right brain associative non-linear Dionysian abstract thinking (daemonville) vs. left brain logocentric positivism and empirical deduction (grayville). Western science has convinced itself it has the whole picture, even as it admits it still knows so little, and regularly reverses its theorems and deductions, as with Pluto and the Brontosaurus. A scientist will admit that the human eye is very fallible and can see what it wants to see, and shuts out a lot of avail. information to suit itself, but then turns around and refuses to believe in anything it can't see. Very hypocritical!

 The contempt these scientists show for ancient astronaut theory, UFOlogy, witness testimony, crop circles, demonology, astrology, etc. as being beneath "serious academic consideration" is all fear-based: guilt by association with the "lunatic fringe" and the idea that no one wants to be the messenger of news so bad no one can handle hearing it. For if the government/scientific complex admits there's aliens, they also have to admit they're powerless against them, and that defeats the whole purpose of a government/scientific complex.

Actually, paranormal researchers have to be twice as careful as regular "experts" because the skeptics are very quick on the trigger. That is, until they're forced by consistent results, or one or two brave researchers (like Rick Strassman or Terence McKenna) to reconsider, as in the way acupuncture and eastern medicine has slowly and reluctantly been admitted into hospitals and insurance coverage. Western medicine is pissed off that they don't know how acupuncture works, but they can no longer deny that it does.

Scientists shouldn't be scared if people "want to believe" in something science wants, by inclination, to disprove. Rather, western science should take a hard look in the mirror at itself before it judges the rest of us as flakes and crackpots. At least we admit we don't know what's going on, and we stay open to new evidence and ideas. We respect science as all-important in our development -- but it's not the whole picture. Trying to actually launch our physical bodies into space seems way too literal compared to exploring "astral body travel" which may be how many of these beings operate. Scientists are still saying space travel between our galaxies is so unlikely thanks to the huge distances, but they don't even consider the whole idea of distance might itself be a hallucination. 

We ignore the unknowable at our peril: the Bud Hopkins or Whitley Streiber of today might be the Galileo or Copernicus of tomorrow.  Scientists need to ask themselves if they want to go down in history as pawns of a hostile power elite, firmly against any form of change, or as cutting edge researchers for whom any phenomenon is interesting, even science fiction or schizophrenic ranting! And what about paranoid-sounding but nonetheless uncanny frisson-inspiring bits of writing like this?

Hey man, we--right, left, up, down-- need each other. Without the speculations of the sci fi fringe, science would calcify and become as repressive and dogmatic as that haven of ritual child-torture, the Vatican. Without science to fight against and try to convince, the fringe would be forced to realize the catastrophic consequences of believing all of this stuff much too fast.  Maybe Bush was a shape-shifting reptoid, but that doesn't mean we could have stopped him even if the whole world had known!

It's like being a lion in a zoo. We may be tough, but the humans have tranq darts and bigger brains, and if they're nice enough to give us a big cage and decorate it to disguise the bars, we can at least think we're free and not get depressed, so why try to bite them? Why force them to reveal the iron bars that hold us, since we can never escape, except through complete transformation of our energies, wherein we become no longer human at all, but soul light energy, which they work so hard to keep us from attaining since once we get to that level, we're out of their hands? By cosmic law they can only puff their gills and wave their claws, ask their dogs to nip our heels, to keep us in line, and then if we still don't obey, forget about us? Once we get past them, they forget we were there and turn back to the rest of the herd. After all, one of two escapees is fine, that' part of the deal. They know they can make mind-opening drugs illegal but they can't stop us from taking them if we should find them... they just make it more difficult, so only the determined and deserved can cop a hit, Darwin-style. They let us tell the truth, so long as its cloaked in the natty garb of delusional ranting (like this post). Like Hamlet, we must act crazy if we want to tell the truth without being forcibly silenced or discredited.

Thus for the truth to be true by definition it must dribble from the mouths of babes, lest our fellow cattle be spooked into a stampede. If some of us want to quietly evolve off of the ranch on our own, the daemons wont use direct force to stop us - by order of cosmic law - only trickery.  All they ask if we do make it past them: don't spook the rest of the herd. They've invested heavily in breeding programs to yield a maximum head count. So don't worry about them - all now living will become enlightened (another cosmic message I received); just get your heart lighter than a feather before you get sucked into the scythe swipe thresher at the end of the net of time along with the rest of Noah's rejects! In the words of Sam Spade: See you at the inquest, maybe.


Anonymous said...

Erich, What a fascinating essay!

I think you're on to something -- if we contain reacting to the phenomenon, instead of reaction or interacting with 'it' (ie. Roman Catholic exorcists attitude to manifestations & skeptical scientists attitude to the paranormal/ufos/'aliens'), maybe 'it' will dissapate as 'it' can't feed off of our reactions (pscyhic (or physical) energy).

Great blog and ideas you express!

Erich Kuersten said...

Thanks Brownie, I think we're onto something, though perhaps the "unsecretive-secretive" nature of the whole UFO cover-up shows the government not only knows about aliens but knows the way to deal with them is the same way as the Roman Catholic exorcists... i.e., the less we admit they're there, the better...

at the same time, one should always keep flexible, and open... the correct response being then one of constant flux between skepticism and speculation..."are they there? No, impossible! But, wait, are they?" times infinity. Maybe it's not just a way to process what is beyond our ability to process but to keep it from processing us in the bargain!